There’s the Welcome Level, which you get for signing up: 15 percent off coffee on your birthday, and special e-mail offers, which is great because we all know how hard it is to get companies to send those out. Then Green Level, which is basically the participation-trophy level. Then Gold. Nothing more. Or so they’d have you believe. But you know there’s a secret level above that. Illuminati Platinum. Only for people who order from the unpublicized menu, which has things like Tall skinny half-caf mochachiatta hi-chai with foofy cream and hipster sprinkles.
Really, I’ve had it. Hilariously delicious. Only $49.73, and they write your name on the cup with a calligraphic brush and say your name in a British accent.